I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
