if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
