Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
