I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
