I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
