My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
