do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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