Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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