Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
