I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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