I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
