i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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