I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
