3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
