is your mom at the bar?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Boobs speak an international language.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
