I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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