This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
