grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
