chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well you can't waste a boner
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
