I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
