i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it because I queefed?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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