I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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