Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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