If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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