I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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