Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
