Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
