I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
