Got a toothbrush?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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