did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
