i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
