after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize