In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize