Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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