my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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