remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
