Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
