No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
