i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize