Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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