Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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