Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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