Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
