I accidentally had phone sex last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
