You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
