It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
