Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
