ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize