Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
