Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
