I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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