Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
