Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
