I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
