I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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