she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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