you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
