But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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