found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
