It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
