its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
