my sisters under your porch take her home
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
