If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
