Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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