Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
