i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
