my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
