Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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