is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
