If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize