maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
