I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
