I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize