Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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